it’s saturday afternoon and i’m in a bit of a quandry. i really enjoy doing as little as possible on weekends. i don’t think it’s lazy, i think it’s a choice to enjoy my down time. i work hard during the week and regularily do the bare minimum in the evenings. that is borderline lazy and i have no problem with that. but on weekends it’s a different story altogether. i have hours upon hours of free time and i want to make the most of them. but what happens when i get hungy? i live in a great neighbourhood, for this city anyway, and i have all kinds of choices within walking distance. like half a block walking distance. yet here i sit eating the free bag of original flavour chips i got at the hockey game last night. and i had an apple. what i really want is breakfast food. the greatest food ever. there is a cute diner around the corner and i could go there. i would even go alone – with a book so people know i’m cool and smart not just hungry and friendless. i’ll let you know what i decided, but most likely i won’t be writing you from anywhere other than my couch anytime soon.
Update 1 hour later
I had eggs in my fridge from making those brownies lat week! I don’t have to go outside! Chelsey lately marathon can continue as planned.
Update 15 minutes later
So, while updating you and my sister about my egg discovery, they were overcooking on the stove. But the amount of ketchup i put on my eggs still made the edible. Halfway through eating them i kept hearing a crackling noise from the kitchen. Luckily i got up. The stove was still on. These incidents may lead one to believe the universe was telling me to get out, but i refuse to learn a thing from this.
your show has been on for a couple months now and there have been 2 episodes with snakes. i get that you hung from the ceiling and surrendered to your fear. and i applaud you, i really do. but other viewers who are afraid of heights probably aren’t going to start crying, sweating and hiding under blankets when they see a cherry picker. i am now afraid to get off my couch. the sun has started to go down and my condo is dark. i’m afraid about what might be hiding. also i read that someone found a snake in a toilet in toronto yesterday. they are slippery sneaky jerks and could easily find me here. this is the scariest letter i’ve ever written. i said the s-word 2 times and now i’m too scared to re-read this and see that word again. please make it up to me with an episode devoted to the colour purple.
i just warmed up some of my indian food for lunch. i had this epiphany that wednesdays and leftovers are kind of the same thing. hear me out before you think my simile is lacking. wednesday is the day that really doesn’t offer much. monday and tuesday start off a week – you’re productive and get things going. so your original meal is like the first couple days of the week. then wednesday comes along; it’s still early in the week so you can’t start getting ready for the weekend, that would just be premature and unhealthy. just like you can’t get ready for your next meal when you still have leftovers from your last one. so wednesday is the day that doesn’t offer much but is a day like any other. and leftovers sustain you but really you just want a nice fresh meal.
does that make any sense? maybe i will hold onto this letter a bit before i send it to you.
Hi again anderson!
I know it seems really needy to be writing you three times in one night, but i’ve got a lot on my mind. I just wanted to quickly say that kid on today’s episode with the stutter was awesome. And you are awesome for having him on the show. Also his mom seemed really awesome. And not to sound like a creepy old lady but tell phillip garber he is cute and i bet the girls will be all over him soon!
I know you already know him anderson, but if our letters get intercepted and people want to know more about this kid they can go here or check out your website!
i know it seems far fetched. but i really think we should be friends. i think you are a delight. i am also a delight, although in a slightly less obvious way. you are universally appealing, while i am a bit more of an acquired taste. but i figure, if you’re friends with kathy griffin, our friendship isn’t totally out of the question.
remember when you were on the mole? i think that was the first reality competition show that i watched. and the last one i enjoyed. in university my friends and i would get mcdonald’s and gather around the tv to watch. you were only on for a season, but it was life changing. you seemed to take it so seriously, but, like us, i know you recognized the absurdity of reality tv. when next i saw you on cnn i felt like an old friend had come home to teach me about the world.
sorry i don’t like to capitalize when i write. i could pretend that i am a huge e.e. cummings fan and this is my homage to him; and while i always admired his whimsy with letters, i’m just kinda lazy. most word processing programs will fix the things that matter, and if i don’t have an autocorrect, i just don’t bother. you may think that someone who loves grammar and has been known to correct people would never deign to be so cavalier about words, but this is just another example of the enigma that is me.
time to go get take out indian food. ttyl anderson!
Oh hey anderson!
I’m all done with dinner. Indian food with my mom. It was pretty good. Is it sad that i may like the microwave stuff i get more? It could be because i had to venture outside and interact with other people. And wait half an hour. When i microwave food it’s ready in minutes and i don’t have to avoid making eye contact.
Today at work we had a bake sale to raise money for charity. I baked brownies on the weekend and was going to ice them last night. I was just getting started when the mixer broke. So i thought i could maybe use the marshmallow fluff i use in my buttercream by itself. So i melted some and coloured it organge for halloween. When i put it on a couple brownies my boyfriend said it looked like cheeze wiz. And it did – colour, consitency and everything. What a disaster. So this morning i brought 8 brownies to work at 6:30am. In case it wasn’t obvious yet, i’m the kind of person who prefers to get to work after the sunrise.
So a guy at work paid 500$ and bought everything. I know it’s for a good casue. But, seriously, greedy much?
Here are my brownies…you’re kind of a healthy guy, so i’m sure you won’t be too upset if i don’t bake you stuff. But then, i feel like baked good care packages are for prison imates and college kids and i don’t want that kind of friendship and i’m sure you don’t either!