Monthly Archives: June 2012

fail to plan, plan to fail

Standard

dear anderson,

i hope this letter finds you well this lovely sunday evening.  i am stuck in a nondescript hotel room in a town about an hour and a half away from home.  oh the joys of my job!  i was here all last week, and will probably be back for a couple more weeks.  it isn’t great, and i forgot my ipad charger at home, but i’m making the most of it.  and by that i mean, watching the tv channels i don’t get at home. 

next weekend is canada day, so i will be home for a few extra days.  i am quite excited about this and in celebration i want to do something.  you know, as opposed to every other weekend when i do nothing.  i don’t want to set my sights too high, just in case things don’t pan out.  being disappointed is zero fun, and usually leads to beating myself up.  so that isn’t what i want.  but i do want to hold myself to something, so that i can feel proud and fulfilled.

i’ve been browsing the internet a lot in my downtime, looking at everything from crafts to recipes to photography.  i see what other people are capable of doing, and i know i am too.  i figure i will follow someone else’s lead and do something.  easy right?

too bad i can’t even decide what i want to do.  i’m leaning towards baking cookies, but then, i will eat them.  so maybe healthy cookies?  those exist right?  or maybe i should just make a really nice dinner. like one with sauces and courses.  i’ve been watching cooking shows a lot lately, i am totally intrigued by mincing garlic and simmering something. so maybe this is the way to go.

at the same time, i remind myself of all of the photography paraphernalia that i own.  i have several cameras, piles of film and cool accessories.  except for when i go on big trips, it just sits in a corner gathering dust.  so maybe i should find an event like a canada day parade or something and go take some pictures.  could be fun!

so anderson, what should i do?  i don’t want to overcommit, but i do want to hold myself to actually doing something this weekend.  so, here’s what i’m thinking.  by wednesday of this week, i’m going to write you back with a plan.  that’s the best way to hold me accountable!!

stay tuned 🙂

~k

 

Advertisements

you may not have heard what i said, but i’m sorry

Standard

hey anderson,

i’m not even going to say i’m sorry for not writing. i have bigger apologies to make.

today i made an off the cuff comment, as i often do, but this one wasn’t cool. i feel like i try really hard to keep my humour in line. i often say inapropriate things for a laugh, but i normally get to make it clear my words aren’t malicious.

now, i do know that words are powerful, and saying things like “just kidding” does’t allow you to just say whatever you want. i once worked at a company of “good ol’ boys” and at a corporate retreat we had a presentation on appropiate comedy in the work place. the gist of it was, tell your jokes, just make sure you’re in the right crowd. of course at the time i was outraged, thinking so now these old jerks get to be as sexist and rascist as they want, as long as no one “sensitive” hears them. now, after some introspection today, i have to concede that this is exactly what i do. i say crazy stuff around people who know i’m being crazy on purpose.

but does the knowledge that i don’t mean what i say excuse it? i truly believe that it does. when i mean what i’m saying it’s obvious – like what i say about children. they infuriate me. but i don’t actually believe the stereotypes i sometimes throw out. i promise i don’t.

so today, i said something shitty about someone, who all day i was i intrigued by and said he was “my favourite”. then, at the end of a long day stuck in a room with no air conditioning, my mouth got the better of me. the shock and uncomortable laughs that followed what i said did not elicit my usual mirthful feelings. I felt like a jerk, because i went too far.

so what do i do? i don’t know the person, so i can’t apologize. three hours later i just feel dirty. i’ve tried to make amends with the universe and take back the ugliness. it didn’t help, so it obviously wasn’t enough. i just thought about making a donation to a related charity. i know throwing money at a problem isn’t always the best solution, but i’m at a loss, and that at least feels like a real gesture of contrition.

so, anderson, i hope you still will consider this big mouth for the role of your bff. i promise my journey of personal improvement will never end. and i know i have you to look to as an example of poise and general awesomeness.

take care,
~k

confessions of a brat

Standard

hey anderson!

i’m a brat.  i know we normally associate that word with children, but i guess i never really grew out of that phase.  a more grown-up version of a brat would be a ‘shit-disturber’ but i think that implies malice and i really don’t think my brattiness is malicious.  i just really love being challenging.  i think people need to be challenged and i am completely willing to fill that requirement.

i like to keep my co-workers on their toes.  sometimes this can get me into hot water as what i say is often misinterpreted.  i like to say crazy things and i think hyperbole is one of the greatest gifts to self-expression.  i used to work with a woman who said one of her best memories was when i slumped into a meeting room and declared “this is the worst day of my life”.  she thought this was hilarious and apt because it was a really shitty day.  but honestly, i declare something like that at least 5 times a day.

i often wonder if the fact that i find myself to be hilarious does, in fact, make me hilarious.  i think in my case it does, but i wouldn’t say the same is true for everyone.  people do tell me i’m funny.  but it’s often with a look of shock on their face.  i’m no howard stern, but for most people i guess i’m pretty out there.   i don’t necessarily plan on being funny, i just exaggerate and hilarity ensues.

my boyfriend does not find me funny.  there was a long period of time during which every time i said anything even remotely hyperbolic he said “let’s not get carried away.”  he tried to stifle my creativity but i wasn’t having any of it.  in fact, i think i say crazier things when he is around just to see the steam come out of his ears.  proof that i am a brat!!  the other night he was putting on a dvd and i had the remote.  i proceeded to open and close the cd tray while he tried in vain to insert the movie.  it took him a few tries before he realized it wasn’t the machine automatically closing, it was me.  oh how i laughed!!  and for once, i even got a chuckle out of him!!  i reveled in my success.

one thing i’ve done that never ceases to make me laugh when i tell the story, or even think about it for that matter, is when i scared my sister.  we were both home for christmas and our rooms are in the basement.  i went downstairs and she was in the bathroom brushing her teeth so i decided to hide behind her door.  despite the fact that one whole wall in her room is mirrors she didn’t notice me.  so she closed the door, turned around and there i was!!  she screamed.  it was both terrible and amazing.  even now i’m trying not to laugh.  a few weeks ago we were both at our parent’s house again.  and again, i saw my chance.  this time i was sure she would be on to me and would check or i wouldn’t be able to contain myself and that she would hear me giggling and catch me. but no, she came into her room, singing to herself and closed the door again.  this time she screamed so loud and i felt terrible.  and i find the best way to show remorse is to laugh so hard you cry.  and maybe pee just a little.  i really hope she never learns her lesson because hiding and scaring her is a real rush for me!

my family definitely bears the brunt of my brattiness.  though they are pretty understanding, which i appreciate.  i just find so much amusement in being difficult.  it’s something i never grew out of.  when i was about 5 my mom made some ridiculous ’80s recipe of spinach linguine and corn.  i told her it looked disgusting, but she told me to eat it.  i did.  and then i threw up all over the dinner table.  i know she learned a valuable lesson that day.  she definitely never served green pasta again. 

one last story, which may be my crowning glory as a brat.  a few years ago we were having a mild family disagreement.  my stepdad said something that annoyed me so i got up and grabbed his glasses.  i stormed into the bathroom and flushed the toilet.  he really thought i’d flushed them down the toilet!!  one of the funniest things ever.  i can’t remember if he actually said this, or if family lore has evolved over time but i am pretty sure he yelled “muh glasses” in this panicked voice.  this is now a favourite catchphrase of ours, because in our family, we never forget.  our best jokes are reminding each other of when we did stupid things.

so anderson, i hope this insight into my bratty brain was useful.  and a word of advice, if you or anyone else asks me to do something and i respond with an emphatic “no” please be assured i am just being a brat, and that i will probably still do it 🙂

happy friday,

~k