confessions of a brat

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hey anderson!

i’m a brat.  i know we normally associate that word with children, but i guess i never really grew out of that phase.  a more grown-up version of a brat would be a ‘shit-disturber’ but i think that implies malice and i really don’t think my brattiness is malicious.  i just really love being challenging.  i think people need to be challenged and i am completely willing to fill that requirement.

i like to keep my co-workers on their toes.  sometimes this can get me into hot water as what i say is often misinterpreted.  i like to say crazy things and i think hyperbole is one of the greatest gifts to self-expression.  i used to work with a woman who said one of her best memories was when i slumped into a meeting room and declared “this is the worst day of my life”.  she thought this was hilarious and apt because it was a really shitty day.  but honestly, i declare something like that at least 5 times a day.

i often wonder if the fact that i find myself to be hilarious does, in fact, make me hilarious.  i think in my case it does, but i wouldn’t say the same is true for everyone.  people do tell me i’m funny.  but it’s often with a look of shock on their face.  i’m no howard stern, but for most people i guess i’m pretty out there.   i don’t necessarily plan on being funny, i just exaggerate and hilarity ensues.

my boyfriend does not find me funny.  there was a long period of time during which every time i said anything even remotely hyperbolic he said “let’s not get carried away.”  he tried to stifle my creativity but i wasn’t having any of it.  in fact, i think i say crazier things when he is around just to see the steam come out of his ears.  proof that i am a brat!!  the other night he was putting on a dvd and i had the remote.  i proceeded to open and close the cd tray while he tried in vain to insert the movie.  it took him a few tries before he realized it wasn’t the machine automatically closing, it was me.  oh how i laughed!!  and for once, i even got a chuckle out of him!!  i reveled in my success.

one thing i’ve done that never ceases to make me laugh when i tell the story, or even think about it for that matter, is when i scared my sister.  we were both home for christmas and our rooms are in the basement.  i went downstairs and she was in the bathroom brushing her teeth so i decided to hide behind her door.  despite the fact that one whole wall in her room is mirrors she didn’t notice me.  so she closed the door, turned around and there i was!!  she screamed.  it was both terrible and amazing.  even now i’m trying not to laugh.  a few weeks ago we were both at our parent’s house again.  and again, i saw my chance.  this time i was sure she would be on to me and would check or i wouldn’t be able to contain myself and that she would hear me giggling and catch me. but no, she came into her room, singing to herself and closed the door again.  this time she screamed so loud and i felt terrible.  and i find the best way to show remorse is to laugh so hard you cry.  and maybe pee just a little.  i really hope she never learns her lesson because hiding and scaring her is a real rush for me!

my family definitely bears the brunt of my brattiness.  though they are pretty understanding, which i appreciate.  i just find so much amusement in being difficult.  it’s something i never grew out of.  when i was about 5 my mom made some ridiculous ’80s recipe of spinach linguine and corn.  i told her it looked disgusting, but she told me to eat it.  i did.  and then i threw up all over the dinner table.  i know she learned a valuable lesson that day.  she definitely never served green pasta again. 

one last story, which may be my crowning glory as a brat.  a few years ago we were having a mild family disagreement.  my stepdad said something that annoyed me so i got up and grabbed his glasses.  i stormed into the bathroom and flushed the toilet.  he really thought i’d flushed them down the toilet!!  one of the funniest things ever.  i can’t remember if he actually said this, or if family lore has evolved over time but i am pretty sure he yelled “muh glasses” in this panicked voice.  this is now a favourite catchphrase of ours, because in our family, we never forget.  our best jokes are reminding each other of when we did stupid things.

so anderson, i hope this insight into my bratty brain was useful.  and a word of advice, if you or anyone else asks me to do something and i respond with an emphatic “no” please be assured i am just being a brat, and that i will probably still do it 🙂

happy friday,

~k

 

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4 responses »

  1. Oh my goodness this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read. Probably because I think I’m quite hilarious too and this sounds exactly like me!! I love that you scared your sister twice w the same method. Also the glasses down the toilet joke was great. It would have been better though if you could have somehow seen his face. I bet it was priceless. And I love using hyperbole also. I’m always saying over- the-top stuff just cuz it’s funny. And really- does anything tell people you are not having fun than asking them to shoot you? Great blog. I cant wait to read more!!

  2. This one is my favorite! I have been reading over your blogs and I can hear your voice. I feel like we are back in a dorm room in Italy while you paint your nails. This one had me laughing out loud and my husband asking what the hell are you reading?! I miss you and am so glad some things never change! Lindsey

    • lindsey! i think it is awesome that i can still make you laugh! our time in italy was absolutely amazing. i hope you keep reading and that someday soon we can make some new memories too!! ~k

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