from discomfort to comfort

hi!

this week was a series of ups and downs for me, anderson. and i’m sure it was for you as well. i heard the disappointing news that your daytime talk show is going to end after this season. i think this is such a shame, and not just because i enjoy spending this time with you, but also because your show was different. alas, that may ultimately have been the show’s downfall. last season, you mixed a super fun blend of interesting topics and silliness and i loved that. this season’s new revamp had a lot more elements of trying to speak to the masses. in trying to entice more viewers, the show wasn’t able to stand out from the crowd and maybe lost some viewers. thank goodness you won’t be gone from tv altogether – but maybe you should think about hosting the mole again!!

over the past week, i attended two very different events. looking back on the week, i have come to a couple of interesting conclusions. before i share my revelations with you, i should tell you about the two events.

last saturday i went to a work party. it was a celebration for a very big project i worked on. i had no intention of going, but a co-worker convinced me it would be fun if we went together. it was definitely critical to have a friend to go with, i would have had an exponentially worse time had i gone alone. but, still, i did not have a good time. as a socially awkward person, i dread things like small talk. i turn into a loud, angry and insane person when someone asks hard hitting questions like ‘how have you been since i last saw you?’ – it’s pretty awesome. also, as you know, stress makes me sick to my stomach. so before the party i had a couple drinks with my stepdad to ease my nerves, and then he dropped me off. it’s like i was a teenager being dropped off at a party. of course, as a teenager there was no way in hell i’d ever go to a party. so obviously, i’ve grown a little bit…

but yeah, the party was kind of a disaster. i insulted the host by making a (hilarious) remark about how old he is. i also tried to pay a lawyer a compliment, and instead was lambasted by their argumentativeness. it was terrifying. luckily, they were serving one of my favourite wines, so i just kept drinking. at one point i said the words ‘that’s my favourite piazza in rome’. you should have seen people’s reactions – only i silence a room with my innocent snobbery.

while the shame and lingering panic from that party was still fresh in my mind, i headed to a 3 day conference. but, looking back i approached this event in a completely different way. i was excited. it was the 6th time i’ve been to this conference, so i knew a lot of people and when i saw each and every one of them i acted totally naturally. i was calm and normal well, my normal anyway. i made small talk, and while i still didn’t always know what to say, it wasn’t painful.
so what made these two events so different? if anything, the party should have been the fun time, and the conference the boring and stiff one. but, for me, i was in my element at the conference – these were my people! a whole room of people who know where i’m coming from just by my attendance, but more than that it was a conference for people who truly believe the adage ‘i may not agree with what you say, but i defend your right to say it’. for the most part, lawyers don’t even listen to what you actually say – they’re already fighting you before you open your mouth. it’s such a stark contrast, and really tells me i know which group i belong with.

when i was talking to my mom before going to the work party, she told me to go and try to determine why i needed to be there. was there an unconscious need or something i needed to learn? i couldn’t come up with anything. it was just an awkward experience, nothing more. but, after getting home from the conference i talked to my mom again. she mentioned that my few facebook status updates about the conference were so positive and full of excitement and i realized maybe that’s what i needed to see. i’m not destined to be a reclusive hermit after all – i just need to be where i belong.

what a great thing for me to learn!

ttfn,
~k